My white blood cells partied all night, and now, they are resting while I move about. We have a system. I realize I was ignoring them, and they, are very happy now to tuck in for the day after quietly knitting away all night.
I am deeply touched. Thank you!!
It works.
I also realized that I needed to let go once again of my idea of how this experience "should" be. If I have to delay a chemo treatment sometime, it is not the end of the world. This is about the quality of my journey, each moment. Everything is fine in this moment. I went into a probably unnecessary tail-spin yesterday, and, yet, it allowed me to cry and that is important too.
I guess I was also shocked to hear yesterday that I would lose all my hair in 24 hours. That probably is best, to just get it over with, and it felt shocking to hear. I'm thinking I'll just stand out on my deck, and shake myself off, being more considerate than my cat when he sheds. It feels a bit weird, and the next step is coming, and I got a little bit scared, and now you are helping me again. Thank you!! Now, I have the other kind of tears, the ones of love and joy, and maybe they are all that, but I do prefer this kind, even though I am trying to live a little more lightly in the world of non-judgment. : ) Well, we see how well I do there! Maybe a step or two today. Forward and back I go. It is a lovely dance.
Thank you, and a beautiful day of dancing, prancing and pausing to you all!!
You bring tears to my eyes, and a salty sea to my heart! I bob there, with ease.
love,
cathy
