Jane and I are back. It has been five weeks, most of my radiation time so far. Amazing!!
This is the poem that comes to me after we have our morning talk, which came after reading this quote from Marjorie Cohn. She writes, "Now that the mission - whatever it was - has not been accomplished in
Here is my comment on that.
Reaching into Awareness
A new study shows
“Our” people are sicker than those of
Yes, obesity might be a cause,
but isn’t it more the guilt we carry
over what is done in our name,
the arrogance of determining that we know better what another country needs,
the conceit that bombs and kills and maims.
And aren’t we suffering the environmental effects
of the bombs we tested in the desert,
where lizards watched and people drove by,
and the air was filled with poison,
that filtered down on us all?
and where do we put such sorrow, such pain?
We place it in our hearts, our breasts, our guts.
There is no half-life
on guilt that drains
Chemo won’t replace it, nor radiation.
We must wind this country back to a place of peace,
and ease where independent spirits once strolled and rode
on something besides vehicles called Tundra and Explorer,
in traffic jams that rarely get out of first gear,
where our brains and judgment seem to be stuck,
and our fears shorten our years.
Our pack runs leaderless.
Comfort is bound in tears.
I feel the pain of the arrogant walk
draining our country of money,
as we continue to borrow
until there is no more,
and our soul is sold
down the drain
must always go,
as ego falls
and trees grow tall
knowing that roots connect,
and when those roots
there is no hope for All.
Chris told me of a documentary that is coming out on the very wealthy of this country. They never talk about money. That would be crass and, of course, they don’t need to. There is always money there. These people are running and ruining our country. We no longer have the resources, financial or people wise to run around hammering the world. We do not have unlimited resources, like some of the wealthy of this country. We, who understand that limits define our life, make it more worthwhile, need to speak now, before there is nothing left here to defend. We are being sold down the river and we don’t even seem to know. I don’t understand.
The more I read of horses and dogs who are pack animals like us, the more I see we need leadership, and that we do not seem to have that right now in any form. Where are our leaders?
So, a change of subject. Here is a report of my day so far.
I go to radiation, my last Biggie, which is good, as I am experiencing some discomfort. Lara’s Theme is the song for today. Tears come to my eyes, as I lie there looking up at the lily pond and seeing faces in the combination of water and water bugs. It has been a long time, and I am weary. I make an appointment to see Dr. Laub, my dermatologist. I will see him next Monday. My schedule made it impossible to get in before that. He will then determine whether the biopsy is necessary and then on I will go on a new adventure.
Today, there was an elderly woman in the radiation room. She had just had radiation and was being taken upstairs for six hours of chemo. She was concerned about food. I told her husband he could bring food to her, though I didn’t say she might not feel like eating there. I see how much we want to live. I will probably step right back into chemo again if I have to, and yet, I wonder where it stops. Because they are so sweet in the medical community, it is hard not to feel it is the right thing to do, to do what they say, and, yet, I wonder about it all. Today is a day of wondering for me. I want to live. I have shown that to be true. I learn something new each day, and today I watch my tears as I struggle to renew.
Great love and care to you all! We will all make it through, though to what continues to be unknown, and maybe that is the joy, the mystery.
"We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen."
and so we do!