Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

Checking in -

After a deep and wondrous two hour nap, I feel much better. I think in some ways I have been sleep-deprived. I have always been a morning person and awakened perky, but with this, I am off my normal sleep patterns, and I rise from bed not feeling fully rested, and yet, I have to rush around and get up the freeway. This morning, I felt like I was in training to be a monk, in that place of never feeling fully rested. I feel more rested now.

I really am doing fine, and I think I needed to let go a bit, and feel what I have been through. I had to hold myself together to do this, and now, it is ending, and I am letting go, and so I can feel the trauma and invasiveness of these procedures. We don't even know that there was any cancer there after the chemo and yet that poor area is being blasted with radiation and is now burned. What a thing to do to someone, and I understand why we do it, and I willingly agreed to it, and I need to recognize, that, once again, mind over matter doesn't always do it. Sometimes, just sleep is the best healer. I am setting intention for more rest.

I have also been surprised to see how much harder it is to think healing thoughts when the radiation blaster is right against my skin, and for one continuous time. Before, it was around 36 seconds, then, about ten, then, it moved, and again, 36, and 10. It may sound odd but a minute, under such circumstances, is a long, long time. I feel myself tensing to get away from it, again, not such a healthy thing. So, I will go tomorrow with some image I can create to view this machine differently. I will work on that tonight. I keep thinking about self-care. It seems to be something we have to learn, and keep learning. I am working with that, also, tonight. I hope you, too, are aware of your own self-care. May we all be happy, healthy, and well.

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