Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

Evening comes -

I take a nap, and I will miss my excuse for it.  Each person at radiation  tells me I will miss radiation and them,  and that I am welcome back anytime.  I can just come sit in the waiting room if I want, they say.  It is hard to imagine my doing that, but, who knows.  For now, I am grateful to be away.  I read the notes on my graduation certificate.  I am touched.

I do see that I am an elder there now.  The women in their hats and turbans are thrilled to see me with my hair.  Just by being, I offer them comfort, and hope.  They see their hair, too, will return.  

I think of radiation world, and I do feel the beautiful web they weave for us.  It is a happy group of people who always seem to have time to talk and listen.  I have never felt rushed.  Of course, I have also waited, but I think I needed to wait.  I needed that time. 

I sit in the chair at home and look up at the book shelves and two books beckon to me.  I open Sue Bender's book Everyday Sacred to these words. 

    On the day of their marriage, Yvonne and her husband were given a rare and gorgeous antique Hopi vase.  After the ceremony someone carried the vase on a tray with too many other things, and dropped it.  The bowl broke into many pieces.

    "A perfect moment," she smiled.  "The bowl was only whole for the ceremony."

    I consider that.  In this moment, all is whole for me, and soon I will again break apart into pieces, and that, too, is okay.

    In Bhutan, in the 1970's, the king proclaimed gross national happiness more important than gross domestic product.  That sounds good to me. 

    Another line from the Sue Bender book is with me.  I don't think we have time to waste being unhappy.  Again, I consider.  I think there is a place for sorrow and reflection, and I think there is a place to move on.  I feel like in these last few days I am holding a door open to a place where all can be, like many kinds of flowers in a field. 

    I read from Stanley Kunitz's book "Passing Through."  Instead of a foreward, he writes Speaking of Poetry.   I copy his words here.  They are comfort for me tonight, as I consider his easy passage to a different kind of day and night.

    Stanley Kunitz:

       The writer today, said Albert Camus in his acceptance of the Nobel Prize, "cannot serve those who make history; he must serve those who are subject to it."

       How true!  And yet one finds to one's dismay that the poetic imagination resists being made the tool of causes, even the noblest of causes.  The imagination lives by its contradictions and disdains any form of oppression, including the oppression of the mind by a single idea.

       Poetry, I have insisted, is ultimately mythology, the telling of the stories of the soul.  This would seem to be an introverted, even solipsistic, enterprise, if it were not that these stories recount the soul's passage through the valley of this life - that is to say, its adventure in time, in history.

       If we want to know what it felt like to be alive at any given moment in the long odyssey of the race, it is to poetry we must turn. The moment is dear to us, precisely because it is so fugitive, and it is somewhat of a paradox that poets should spend a lifetime hunting for the magic that will make the moment stay.  Art is that chalice into which we pour the wine of transcendence. What is imagination but a reflection of our yearning to belong to eternity as well as time?

       In an age defined by its modes of production, where everybody tends to be a specialist of sorts, the artist ideally is that rarity, a whole person making a whole thing. Poetry, it cannot be denied, requires a mastery of craft, but it is more than a playground for technicians.  The craft that I admire most manifests itself not as an aggregate of linguistic or prosodic skills, but as a form of spiritual testimony, the sign of the inviolable self consolidated against the enemies within and without that would corrupt or destroy human pride and dignity. It disturbs me that twentieth century American poets seem largely reconciled to being relegated to the classroom - practically the only habitat in which most of us are conditioned to feel secure. It would be healthier if we could locate ourselves in the thick of life, at every intersection where values and meanings cross, caught in the dangerous traffic between self and universe.

       Poets are always ready to talk about the difficulties of their art. I want to say something about its rewards and joys.  The poem comes in the form of a blessing - "like rapture breaking on the mind," as I tried to phrase it in my youth. Through the years I have found this gift of poetry to be life-sustaining, life-enhancing, and absolutely unpredictable.  Does one live, therefore, for the sake of poetry?  No, the reverse is true: poetry is for the sake of life.

                                Stanley Kunitz in 1995, when he was 90 years young.  


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