Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

Today -

The fog is in and it is cold and windy here.  The furnace is not working, and I noticed my shower was tepid this morning, so I need to get the gas checked tomorrow.   I had a Rosen session with Karen Roeper today, and what came up is that it is hard for me to feel in celebration mode right now, as I am not quite trusting this truly is over.  It is an odd place to be, a transition place.  I also note that I am still very tired, so I will go to bed early tonight.  There is something fragile feeling about this place as I begin to let go and not need to hold myself together so much.

I was so "good" through this process.  I lay in a certain position on the radiation table.  I never moved.  They were so impressed with me.  I didn't want to hold anyone up.  They placed me in that position and I learned it, so that today I lay down in that same way on the Rosen table, and as I began to straighten out, I felt how uncomfortable it was, and also, how sore I feel as I begin to release around the sacrum and behind the heart.  I see that what they have been telling me is true, that one does not just "leave" treatment.  This is an adjustment period.  I apologize that celebration times may be somewhat delayed.  I am probably going to cancel some things I had planned.  Today, it became clear to me that I do not have energy for all that I placed on my plate.  

I am learning to just be.  Today, Karen said it might be time for some fun, and I found myself struggling with the word fun.  What does that mean?   I'm not quite sure anymore, and maybe that is the place where fun comes and taps me on the shoulder and is delighted to find me. 

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