Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

thoughts -

I learn today that the son of some people I know ended his life.  I spread rose petals in my mother's fountain, and try and understand this continuing need in us to separate and come apart, even as we also cling and hold ourselves together. 

I would have given my life for this boy.  I have lived.   I see more and more that we can only surrender to what we are not able to understand.  My dear friend Annemarie sent me an email this week about that.  She is aging, as am I,  though, perhaps, she is farther along the path.  She is older, and having to face the loss of some of her abilities. She says, "I am more and more deeply aware of the mystery of life and the universe. We simply don't know the answer and live in the mystery of the unknown."

She says I am confronting the same questions, as, of course, I am, as I have come to understand more clearly that I will not live forever, and perhaps in that to lay something down as to expectation.  In this moment, I feel complete.  

This is the second suicide this year, 2006, of people I know.  I try and understand and wish them the best on the journeys they choose.  I was outside the Metreon one day, right after someone jumped.  I entered the church there, and prayed.  What else is one to do with something like that?   I then met Steve and Thom, and lovely Doris, and we shared dinner with others at Fisherman's Wharf.  Life does go on and we balance, on the tender points of it, even as so much swirls beneath that we are not meant, perhaps, yet, to understand.

May we all be tender and well, and aware of both ends of the dance.  

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