A friend of mine forwarded the following email to me from a friend of hers. I have spoken to Elaine now and she has given me permission to place her words here, without using her last name or email address. I am sure that some of you will recognize her and her words. I place it here because she says so well much of what I have been trying to say. My experience is perhaps different than hers in that my "whatever this is" is not the same. I do not have a brain tumor, and I have been a bit overwhelmed by the "drama" and stimulation, and yet, the blessings. On this we agree. She says it so very well. Each time I read her words, I am deeply touched.
Elaine and I both agree that it is another blessing that she and I meet this way. Elaine will have surgery for a brain tumor on November 8th. Please add her to your prayers.
Dear Friends and Family,
I have an inbox full of emails that I want to read, but my energy ebbs and flows and I have some energy now and want to share some insights with you.
First, I want you to know that in my deepest knowing, I know that I am not going to die from this illness. I am just loving all of the attention and all of the love and all of the show of support. Everybody should receive this outpouring of love. It is amazing. I'm floating in a bath of love...or a sea of love. I remember on my hula teacher's last birthday, all of his classes got together to give him a particularly luxurious gift. He was so touched and so full of gratitude. I wondered how that felt. Now I know. It is uplifting and deeply heartwarming and fun and , well, you fill in the blanks with what your idea of heaven is.
Two nights ago, I woke up with great fear that I could die. Of course, I woke up Karl. We started talking and I really took it in that YOU are all going to die too. We are all going to die. I have the advantage here, because you have compassion for my possibly fatal condition and so you give me all of this love. But we all need to be giving each other this love all of the time. It is only an illusion that those with illness need more attention. I can think of many people who are much, much more miserable than I am, and they are dying in their spirits. They need this great sea of love to surround them! You need this great sea of love to surround you!!! It is bliss.
So, you see, I am really the lucky one. How many people get to experience this?
The other thing is that I love the drama. Oh, this is SO dramatic...the intensity of it all (my therapist friends will understand).
And I am learning some lessons...to not try to do everything...to ask for what I need...to receive what I am given. Oh, that's a big one. I don't know that many people who can truly receive and absorb the love that is given to them. I think it is an art. I remember being so moved by Marion Rosen (the 91 year old founder of Rosen Method Bodywork, which you should all receive...there is a Rosen worker in your neighborhood!) when she had a birthday party and really received with joy all that was offered to her. It feels so good when your love is received and treasured.
So, once again, let me remind you that I gratefully receive your love!!!! If you want me to be the recipient, then pour it on!!! But figure out ways you can get some of these goodies yourselves as well. And figure out how you can send love so directly and genuinely to those you are most intimate with (and therefore, sometimes annoyed with).
Okay, enough preaching. I am just so filled with thoughts overflowing, that I wanted to share these with you.
With deep gratitude and love,