Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy
cathy_edgett

up against something harder than chemo -

Some of you are concerned because I have not been posting.  I have been trying to sort through something that is very difficult for me.

My son loves a woman who is Chinese, though she and her mother were born in San Francisco.  Though my son and this woman are planning their marriage, her family does not approve.  When we met with her parents on Sunday, they were nasty in a way I have never before experienced, and hope never to experience again.  I have never experienced bigotry in so strong a form.   I have kept saying to myself, "If you can't say something nice, then, don't say anything at all."   In doing that, I have not been saying anything at all, and so I have lost the outlet that supports me, which is this blog.

Jeff says, I cannot lie, even when it might be beneficial.  I cannot lie.   The woman my son loves has a mother who believes that lying is how you live.  How do I set myself to rest on this discrepancy?  Jan wants us all to come to her graduation on Saturday.  She says we can stay on opposite sides of the room since her parents have said they are coming, but will not speak to us.  How can I be true to myself and be in a room with people who will not speak to me?

In my life, I have done everything I could do for my sons.   I love them, heart and soul.   When Karen called today, and heard how upset I was, she spoke to me of protecting myself.  I see there is a place to say, no, I cannot do this.  I am worn out.  I have sworn to associate myself with loving, positive energy.   The blast of hatred that I received on Sunday was poison.  How could I put myself in a room with these people again?   Why would I?   I have come up against my limit of what I can do.

I pray this brings me back to you and the blog.  I was trying to protect these people, but, why?   I ask for prayers in healing, healing in all ways.  I have no attachment to outcome in any of this.  I can only do what I can do and that is to protect myself from prejudice, fear, and bigotry.   May this be so!
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