Sandy gave me a book yesterday called Heart Steps. It is by Julia Cameron. Sandy has been reading Cameron's memoir, and said Cameron had quite a heavy bout with alcohol and drugs. Then, she pulled herself out. When I was in treatment, I lived in a cocoon. Now, I am out, and aware of so much more that goes on, and, perhaps, I have been struggling to adjust to that. I read this quote of Joanna Macy from Heart Steps.
If the world is to be healed through human efforts, I am convinced it will be by ordinary people, people whose love for this life is even greater than their fear. People who can open to the web of life that called us into being, and who can rest in the vitality of that larger body.
Last night, I felt fear, and sadness. This morning, I feel anticipation, and awareness of eternity. I wrote this morning of having that eternal feeling as when we skip a rock, and our heart goes up and down with it, and then, it sinks under the water to a comfortable place to rest. I also felt myself reaching like the curled egg white of meringue when it is tipped, then, browned in the oven. Now, I feel myself with the weeping of the meringue as it sinks back into the pie.
Perhaps, that is it. I am feeling myself merge back into the larger body. I rested there in treatment, and, then, popped out, into some kind of "me-ness." Now, I rest back in again. It is comfortable there. I am stuffing envelopes for a fund-raiser today. I look forward to the mindlessness of that.