from an informative email -

Translation Difficulties:

From a Japanese car-rental firm's informative brochure
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacle your passage, then tootle him with vigor. If honorable horse obstacle your path, pull over until he he pass away.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby
The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

Inside an elevator in Yugoslavia
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

At a Paris hotel
Please leave your values at the front desk.

At an Austrian ski lodge
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

At a Paris dress shop
Dresses for street walking.

At a Hong Kong tailor shop
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In Soviet Weekly
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of the Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In an East African newspaper
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

Advertisement of a Hong Kong dentist
Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.

In a Russian book on chess
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand
Would you like to ride your own ass?

On a faucet in a Finnish restroom
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

In the window of a Swedish furrier
Fur coats made for the ladies from their own skin.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan
Stop -- Drive sideways.

At a Bangkok temple
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed like a man.

In a Tokyo bar
Special cocktail for the ladies with nuts.

On the door of a Roman doctor's office
Specialist in women and other diseases.

Instructions accompanying new Japanese air conditioners
Cooles and heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

Signs at two Majorcan shops
English well talking
Here speeching American.

In a Paris hotel elevator
Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Yugoslavian hotel
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel
You are invited to take advantage of the women who are employed to clean the room.

At a Moscow hotel across the street from a Russian Orthodox monastery
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Inside a Thailand dry cleaners
Drop your trousers here for best results.

At a German campground
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

Outside a Rome laundry
Ladies, please leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Czech tourist agency brochure
Take one of our horse-drawn city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.

At a Swiss mountain inn
Special Today -- NO ICE CREAM.

Slogan of a Dutch airline
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

At a Moscow hotel
If this is your first visit to the Soviet Union, you're welcome to it.

Inside a Swedish lounge
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

At an Acapulco restaurant
We are pleased to announce that the manager has personally passed all the water served here.