Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

checking in -

I have some tears this morning.   When I talk to Jane, I share with her what I wanted to put on the blog yesterday but just couldn't bring myself to do.   Last year, yesterday was the day I started chemo, the Monday before Thanksgiving.  It is hard not to feel the shock of that.  Parabola Magazine came yesterday and the theme is "Home."  I cooked all day yesterday, made chile, pesto, pumpkin bread and read about Home, the home within, even as I have felt my own home expand.   I realize now perhaps I should be putting my check-ins for my Sensory Awareness work here.   I posted this yesterday on our Sensory Awareness Yahoo group.

My words:

I am enjoying the check-ins.  This has moved from my “to do” list to something I want and need.

I re-organized the room I use to sense.  It is inticing now, inviting, not just a place where things that have no other place get stacked.  I want to enter the room.  I want to enter myself.

I woke yesterday loving the portability of sensing.  I can do it anywhere, anytime.  I also see that it is important to have a time and to honor that.  It is a spiritual practice. 

What I am noticing is that my home has expanded.  I am seeing differently, and, in that, there is more space.  I have a new sense of feng shui and have gotten rid of things that no longer serve me.  I notice placement and color.  I awaken the dead spaces in my home as well as myself.  I am tapping my home awake, and my house is expanded.  

My cells and the air within, and the air that surrounds, awake.   Right now, my feet are on the floor, and I feel their dimension and vibration.  My spine moves.   My shoulders curve in anticipation and they are not stuck.  I went outside this morning and was enraptured with the fog.  I stand and look at the sky.   I am happy to be back with sensing, renewal, and the places I touched in this last year.    I let myself feel there is nothing to do, but be, and in that, I am in ease with what I do and that is more than before.   

I move easily like an animal, the living organism I am, and my heart is gently stroked with the wonder of it all.  With each breath, I am struck like a chime.  

I re-read my words and must say that this is not every moment, but it is the moments I remember and want to focus on, so as to cultivate them more, so that is what I report.  When I wake in the morning, I do feel a weight of pressure around what I "need" to do, but I stay with it and sense, and move and expand around it, and, then, somewhere, it is gone, and I am like a featherbed that has been fluffed.

         Sensing as much as is possible, for me, right now,    Cathy



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