Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

I found what I went for -

My goodness, you people stay atop my blog.  : )

I returned to many messages from people questioning that I actually went to Muir Woods today.  Yes, I did, and it was wondrous.  I was given what I needed.   My search is, in this moment, complete. 

Driving out there in the fog and rain,  I contemplated this talk, and/or goal of  “reaching our core,”  of “going deeper.”  What would that  be?   What does it mean?   ( I nod to Mudita here.)

I suddenly realized that everything opens into something else, into everything else.  There is no deeper;  there is no core.  

The center of the diamond doesn’t say I’m core to the outside of the jewel.   There is no core to a crystal.  The Family Circles of Redwoods don’t feel their core is missing, because the main redwood died leaving a root system to nourish the whole.   Penguins move in and out of a circle of warmth.   All is.  It just is.  All is moving, and there is no clearly defined core to try and catch and hold.  

Wow!  That is such a relief for me. 

And I am not sick, for I am not experiencing dis-ease.  I am at peace.   I am whole.  I am all aspects of the diamond, the redwoods, the creek, the salmon, you and me. 

I needed to know the salmon were there, because, for me, it meant I would get well.  Their return symbolizes rejuvenation to me.  The creek today was like a class five river.  There were rapids and it was rushing brown, and I was told the salmon are there, but I wouldn’t see them.

I realized this is how it feels to my blood stream when the chemo is pushed in, rapids, and I am given steroids, so I don’t realize, but I “got” why I am so tired on Wednesday and Thursday.  Look at what I have been through.  And there is a time to rest.  The salmon aren’t pushing up-stream today against all that current.  They are tucked in.  They will come out when it makes sense. 

I stand in a tree at Muir Woods.  I return to nature’s balance.  Now, I can handle the buzzing of the bees that we are.

Wordsworth said that “Poetry is emotion recollected in tranquillilty.”  Perhaps one day I will turn my words on a lathe of tranquillity.  For now, they flow downstream, like the current of my beloved Redwood Creek in Muir Woods. 




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