I am surrounded with fog and the sound of bird song.
Jane and I spoke this morning. She mentioned that in Carolyn Heibrun's book Writing a Woman's Life, she talks about the line between privateness and publicness for a woman. I remember a study I did of 19th century novels. Woman was inside, and man outside. The home was a dividing line. That is why Jane Austen's novel Pride and Prejudice was so astonishing. Elizabeth was out walking, alone and through mud.
I think we women still struggle with this line. Our sexuality, except for our breasts, in internal, inside. We carry a womb, a cauldron, an empty space, open to be filled. We have a built-in private space. Men's sexuality is external, and openly responsive. There is no place to hide or pretend. Men hunted. Women gathered and tended the hearth. They gathered in groups. It is has been considered that one reason women may "chatter" more than men is that as they gathered they kept talking to warn the wild animals away. Men were silent for the hunt. We can't dismiss these patterns away.
Jane pointed out today that the blog was my way of being public. It was urgent, because I was aware that life was not a given. Suddenly, I felt each moment as my last. That urgency dissipates with wellness, as it must. One can not perhaps continue living with that level of intensity. The tide flows in and out, and so, now, in these moments, we reach to bring this book to form, and eventual completion. It is quite the task, and I am now in a place to enjoy it.
What I also feel this morning is how much I need to commit to it, to keep the integrity of it. At this point, we need to round it and that means holding the whole purpose at one time, not just focusing on one piece and then, another. I pledge today to commit the time, energy and focus necessary to complete this book. May this be so!!