Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

Thoughts -

When Tiger and Bella came to us, my perception was that they did not realize they were two different kitties.  We would pet one, and both would purr.  They would lick each other seemingly unaware whether they were licking themselves or the other.  I was reminded of the baby who takes time to realize it is distinct from mother and environment.   Now, Tiger and Bella seem to have more awareness they are two individuals.  They sleep near each other, but not always so close together that it is difficult to tell where one ends and the other begins. 

I think being ill has a similarity to that place of oneness.  Individuality dims amidst so much care, and there is not so much difference between one and the other.

I think where the book took a different turn today is that Jane and I are going to delve into how we were changed by this experience, each of us individually.  We have been reflecting back on the poems, but usually reflecting on both of them together, hers and mine.  We became one, as I became one with all of you.  Now, I am well enough to stand on my own, to spin my own energy.  How is this experience for me now?   How is it for Jane?   How has it been for us both?  We want to work there. 

The book began as poems, and that didn't stand alone, so we reflected on the poems.  It needed something more so we brought in the blog.  Then,  it was so much to absorb at one time that  we put the poems at the end.  Now, the poems will come back into their time sequence, and the book will be in three parts, and we will reflect on the experience at the end of each part.  We are hoping this provides the clarity and smoothness we are searching for, while still allowing us to delve a little bit more.  It is difficult to know where to end.  I think this change will allow us to find a place to complete the book, the outward one and the one within.   I look forward to seeing what now emerges.

I am also trying to find a place to hold so much love, joy and pain.  I have a candle here that burned down in the most amazing way.  It spilled out and swirled, piled, curled.  It is wondrous to behold.   I think it represents something for me, this way of opening, spilling, rippling, and yet, curling around in a circle to always begin and end.   The candle is still one and its inner is revealed.

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