Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

Good Morning!

Tears fill my eyes this morning as I read that the cancer of the wife of John Edward's has returned.   I cannot imagine how they can say they will continue with the campaign.   The timing is odd for me as Karen came over and gave me a Rosen session yesterday.   I felt so much release from the trauma of last year that my left arm and shoulder are very sore this morning and it is hard to type.  I held myself together last year to get through it and now I am trusting I can let go, and that is painful, too, as feeling returns.  I realize that I have been upset these last few weeks because I did not give myself a place to celebrate the one year anniversary of the end of chemo.  I think that honoring was important to me, and so today I pause to honor what I have been through.

I love rocks and so do my friends Joyce and Terry.  On Wednesday, we made tiny cairns, piled special rocks to make the most beautiful and intriguing artworks and altars one will ever see.  Mine is here on the table, a friend of support. 

I must say this with John Edward's wife has taken the wind out of my sails.  Naturally I had no thought this might return, and it probably won't, and I must admit to some fear and tears in this moment.

Take care, and truly do appreciate the moments in your days!  I hate to sound like a cliche but we truly do never know.  Yesterday allowed me to feel the horror of what I have been through.  I felt safe enough to let go, and now, I feel fear.  I know we are all going to die.  It is pretty obvious really and yet I don't think we really take it in, and perhaps today I am a little closer to understanding the preciousness of my days.

I have been trying to access my tears these last few days, knowing they were there.  Today,  in this with Elizabeth Edwards, they come.

I offer her my prayers, and toss in a prayer for myself, and you, too!

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