Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

Thoughts -

At Esalen, the first night, a man and his grown son sat down to eat with me.  They were there for the Breathing workshop.  The man's wife, the son's mother had died quickly of cancer 13 years before.  Then, in my Sharon Old's group was a young woman, now 30, who lost her mother, when she was 21.  Her mother, also went quickly.  She just had time to give a squeeze of her hand before she left.  That was 9 years ago.  I consider on why I am so lucky to still be here, why I am given this second chance.  No wonder I needed some time to absorb the gift of this and what it means to me now.  No wonder I have been so sick as I shift.  I begin now today to enter my journals of last week.  The journey is deep and I will consider how much of it I feel able to share.

Reading further along in my journal, I am reminded that the wife and mother chose not to do chemo or radiation.  I don't know about the other woman, though the rapidness of her death might suggest the same.  For me, somehow, there was no question of not doing it.  It just seemed my path.  I was not ready to go.  Others may be.  It is not to judge, only to notice how it felt to me when the young woman looked at me so lovingly, saying she saw in me her mother as she would have been if she lived.

I feel a responsibility in that, a gift.

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