Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

Checking in -

I am struggling again with the unpleasantness of the chemo. I really would just like to sit and cry, and sometimes I do, but there are so many hours, so many minutes when I feel like this, and so, I have so much time. I offer two poems that perhaps suggest what I am trying to balance as the tender lining of my stomach says, "No, I've had enough. Please stop."


Today I don’t see the mountain lion
only bones of deer
A rib cage fluent in two parts - a skull
as the space between stars
I see only footprints,
but, still, I ingest,
the exchange of energy,
the cache at rest.


I try to rest, and be,
and I try not to try.
I fear that I am boring,
If I let myself sit,
sluggish and unstimulated,
do I go deeper within,
like the mouse swallowed
by the snake,
where bells tap mindfully,
or do I stay on the surface,
an indulgent ball of blah,
unable to even roll,
I am so soft with flab.
Even a cushion needs some oomph to hold,
the body of the cat, to mold the bones,
to lift the ribs from splat.
I sit to calm,
and visualize,
inner bells pealing layers of me,
exfoliating as I lounge,
radiant in a bath
where kindness hums like eels,
electric on their path.

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