This is from Jon Carroll's column today. We live in a rich stew of people, language, and culture. Enjoy!
In other fashion news: A reader has been kind enough to send me a link to apparelop.com, which, at least in its accessories section, features some of the most marvelous prose around. It is, of course, translated from another language, although it's not clear what the original language was. Perhaps my readers can enlighten me.
Here, for instance, is the blurb for Gucci sunglasses: "Gucci high-pitched character sunglasses featuring lenses what one make secure the highest shelter and a hone visual sensation, are idealistic by reason of whatsoever scant shape. Gucci sunglasses are high-pitched public presentation, fashionable, sunglasses providing a compounding of outstanding styling and irregular genus lens and frame up character. These Sunglasses bring home the bacon shelter from the hurtful personal effects of the sun's UV rays, and grant toward best visual sensation in brilliant short stipulations. Gucci sunglasses are used in a change of performance-related situations, at the time that you need to appear just and feature outstanding solarize shelter towards your eyes. Gucci is in the place of performance-oriented canaille who testament ne'er settle down as far as concerns 2nd c. h. best. These sunglasses go to 2007 sunglasses; assemblage. You won't be disappointed so call by the agency of trust. Please sense loose to Check my other auctions despite change of frames and sunglasses we offer up. Feel loose to email me by the agency of whatever questions."
There's so much to love here. The appearance of "ne'er," which I thought had died out with 19th century poetry. The idea of idealistic sunglasses is very heartening indeed. But I think the clear winner is "these Sunglasses bring home the bacon shelter."
"Canaille" is defined in my dictionary as "riffraff." Your guess is as good as mine.
Is there more? But of course. Here's one highlighted feature of Maui Jim Sport Sunglasses: "Rubber olfactory organ grips refuse the ram of gravitational attraction and stay fresh your sunglasses in localize no thing that spor." Yes, that's right, it ends in the middle of a sentence, or what may once have been a sentence. But I'm throwing "the ram of gravitational attraction" into all my casual conversations from now on.
D&G sunglasses 30001 "consummate according to credentials of legitimacy, affording protection caseful and dust ecclesiastics." One notable feature of the Rick Steves 21-inch rollaway suitcase: "The remote add-a-bag shoulder strap lets you cut short on your daytime bagful and undulate them unitedly." And there's this ironclad guarantee in case of dissatisfaction with the Balanzza Digital Luggage Scale: "We remain firm slow the lineament Digital3 our mathematical product, if you are non satisfied, delight returned the point unsympathetic NOT OPEN, and we testament repay your riches."
Another Rick Steves bag "includes ready to hand extras: a couple of interlock bags and a clip-in certificate pocket, and as well-as; not only-but also; not only-but; not alone-but intragroup and extraneous contraction straps." The thing I like about that sentence is that it starts out walking the narrow edge of meaning, gets into a furious argument with itself and then returns, tightlipped, to product information.
And, friends: There are 39 pages of this.