On the other hand, last time I had this done, I had lunch with a friend and she didn't even notice. I said, can't you see, and she said no, and I think today she would see, and it is okay. I am happy I went and am taking care of it. It makes better sense than worrying about it.
I am therefore tightly enclosed inside and hidden from the sun, and my walk had me so covered and wrapped, I figured I looked like a leper.
For some reason, all the dogs wanted to play with me today, and their owners called and called, but I was the one to whom they brought their balls and wanted petting from. It felt good to me and was the affection and attention I needed.
I also get pre-skin cancers on my hands. She told me today to wear sun protection in the car. The UV rays come right through the wind shield. Who would have thought, so I am telling you to have awareness of your hands, not only outside, but in the car. I am horribly neglectful of my hands, but I didn't realize I was that careless.
Today, I felt how difficult it was last year that Jan's parents could not accept her marrying Jeff, that they could not get past that we are not Asian. It was odd to be in Asia for over two weeks, and then, return, and consider how thrilled Frieda's parents are with Chris, and they are Jewish, so they might have had some qualms as we are not, but they do not. They see the love and are thrilled. They, also, love Chris as I love Frieda and Jan. Anyway, feeling the difference in response, brought back how painful it was last year that Jan's parents could not accept, and though I knew intellectually it was their "stuff," I still felt hurt. The point is that I am feeling it now, and it feels like the perfect time to feel it and let it go. I can't go out in the sun, but the moon is full and bright, and I will be able to walk in its light these next few nights and let it go and heal.
We are complex beings as we know. I continue to be taught to surrender and be sowed.
It is a hard lesson for my stubborn, stoic self.
I'm grateful I can learn, and now the tears I've been needing, come. I am grateful for this day.
Elaine sent me a card that arrived today. The card is from an original silkscreen print by Mayumi Oda, and is titled Sea Maiden of the North. It says, "When I swim I am a fish. I am seaweed. Finally I become the Ocean."
It is the perfect sentiment and image for this day.
