Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

Wholeness -

I am again finding myself not wanting to return to chemo. This is the half-way point. Tuesday I will start a new drug that requires about five hours to administer. No one knows what the side-effects will be for me. It is so odd to feel how clearly my body wants to never again return to 1350 S. Eliseo in Greenbrae, and yet, how I continue to advise people to do chemo if their doctor is recommending it. Perhaps, this so clearly shows the division in which we all live. Life is not black and white. We have to discern our path through the grays.

I am reminded now that yesterday I copied a quote into my journal. It was in bold, so I didn't realize it was actually in gray, not black, until I began to wonder why my continued typing on the computer screen was showing up in a lighter print than before. It seemed impossible since obviously the screen color has nothing to do with the physical fact of a printer and whether or not it has ink. I found it odd. Then, I realized I had released the bold, and was seeing the true color of the quote, gray, not black. How does this paragraph connect to the last one, you might ask? It may not be clear, not black or white, but, to me, somehow, it does.

A joyous morning to you all, with continuing discernment of a multitude of grays, and enjoyment of merging black and white to see what creates.

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