Last night we had another episode of Mitchell not breathing. He did not respond to us when we called out his name as his eyes were wide open. This time we called 911. Right now, we could use every prayer warrior out there as things are not looking good. Mitchell is fighting to stay with us as his respiratory system has been compromised from the tumor.
I wrote and read this to Mitchell the other day and wanted to share this with you. Before Mitchell went to sleep that night he said, “Mommy, thank you for staying up all night with me and not complaining. And Daddy, thank you for never complaining.” He asked for a kiss and told Dave and I that he loved us so very much.
October 9, 2007
We are living for NOW. Each breath you take gets harder and harder but it allows us to be with you for one more moment in time. It’s been hard for you to breath, get comfortable, sleep well, as your body tries to rests and restores itself. Knowing that the cruise was the most enjoyable time spent yet at the same time, the saddest because you were not able to do what you really wanted to do and that was to get out of your wheelchair. Knowing this helps us to better understand what you are going through. Not to fully understand but to better understand. We can be compassionate to your needs and help you not only rebuild your body but breathe fire back into your spirit.
Something that I’ve been wanting to tell you. From the beginning, you and Adam have added something special, something unique, something extraordinary to our lives and that will never change. You have given us 15 years of wonderful memories that I will cherish for a lifetime.
Your spirit has given light to those around you. I watch from the sidelines as you touch so many hearts. Your dad and I are just the spokesman as we journal your journeys with cancer. You have helped others get through their darkest moments with your humor, compassion and just knowing where they are at. Cancer allows in fear only if you let it. FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. There are and will be many ups and downs with cancer. Some so low that it appears that the end is near. It takes a toll and then a miracle comes in and the end gets pushes out further. We are all going to die one day. But for now, every moment opens the opportunity for a miracle, a blessing, a deliverance, and a cure. You need to BELIEVE. Positive thoughts affect every cell in your body and in turn create a healthy body.
I know you are so tired of being sick. If’s ok to feel this way. No matter how bad, how hard your illness is, no matter how much the fear and pain, I am convinced that these challenges throughout your life has made you the wonderful young man you are today. Don’t ever feel like you are a burden to us. We signed up for the journey with you. We made a pack never to leave your side and that you would never be alone or feel alone. If you want to give this a try again, we will be right beside you holding you up for another round. But if you don’t think you can continue on with this journey, don’t be afraid because God will carry you in his arms. The other night you told me that we would be together because you love me, daddy and Adam so very much. No matter what happens, you will always live in my heart each and every day. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you, cry for you, and call out to your spirit. My tears are liquid love that keep flowing. You will never be forgotten and one day all of our hearts and spirits will be one again.