Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

This Morning!

I feel how strongly the oncologist is right to make the decision mine. This way I truly commit to my own healing and finding an ease-filled route through all of this. This life is mine. I watched the moon moving across the sky last night, tipping from its side to its back, and this morning I realized again the obvious. The moon is not traversing "my" sky. I am the one turning in a beautiful dance. I am offered new perspectives as I travel and observe the changing phases of the moon, and the sun's path.

The clouds are pink this morning, and my tears are soft, soft with gratitude for life and death and anger, hope, and love.

While I was being checked yesterday, Jeff had some waiting room observations. Steve had seven hours of dental work yesterday so missed this particular step with his own travails.

There was a young man there for his first chemo session. He was accompanied by a group of friends. They were cheerful and laughing and planning a group party for him at the Cheesecake Factory. He was excitedly participating in the somewhat forced light-heartedness, and then, like that, something switched in him, and he exploded that he didn't even want to go to the Cheesecake Factory, and that he didn't want to attend a party with his friends.

Jeff commented that it is like the emotions at a funeral where one minute you are crying, and the next laughing. All is so close to the surface. When I heard of the guy and his response to the Cheesecake Factory, I was reminded of my book group response on Friday night. Suddenly my planning the menu for our annual Christmas party seemed like more than I could muster. I consider the cliche. "I broke into tears," and that is exactly what I felt like, like a vase thrown on the floor, with flowers askew and water and snot pouring out of me. What a mess! : ) I cried on the way home, and then, as I got to my freeway exit, a huge meteor shot across my path. It is like that. Blessings abound!

It was helpful to hear of this young man, and know that I am not the only one on a carnival ride that has changed from a roller coaster to a mad spider flinging cups of people up and down and all around.

Today should be a calm day. I am up to Cotati for an appointment, and then, some country driving.

Ah, a big smile. I may also see Jan today who offered her hair to me, and thinking I was accepting it, said she would better care of it until I am ready. She would take better care of it for me! Doesn't that make one smile, and then, don't the tears just swell up - this really is cliche day for me today - but the point is this! Take care of yourself today, as if you were giving your mind, body, and soul to your very best and most loved friend, because you really are!

May we all be healthy, happy, and well!!


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